I consider it a curse while others think of it as motivation.
More. I just want more.
I don’t mean material goods (although I have been eying a pair of amazing pumps and this gorgeous gown for an upcoming soiree). I mean life. I thought that by now, I’d be having a ball with a significant other, a home in California, a pet. Far-off adventures, late-nights with close friends, delicious dinners with a loved one, You know, just living.
The fact is, life has a funny way of throwing you curveballs. One minute, you are with your close friends in California in a backyard with sangria, the next you are sitting in a teeny-tiny apartment in New York, trying not to get mad that a friend bailed on you. again.
I know I’ve made these decisions that have brought me to where I am today. I get that. I own that. But! There is something to be said about feeling like you are missing something. Like everyone if going on, growing up, making things work. While you are sitting back and trying to plot out your next move.
I don’t know if it’s because I am that this point in my life where what I want now and what I wanted two years ago has completely changed or if because I still follow some of the ridiculous societal benchmarks (children, husband, home, etc) that most of us were exposed to at an earlier time. The moral of the story is that I want to be happy here, now, with what I have. Yes, being single for what feels like eternity isn’t optimal and yes, many nights I sit at a bar with a cocktail in hand and which for something more. But, what I’ve got now, isn’t awful. In fact, 4 days out of the week, it’s pretty good.
But still… can’t a girl just have more?After writing this, I came upon this post which basically knocked me off my ass and told me to get the eff over it. That you are stronger than you think. Which is exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. Thank you, Internet gods. image credit: JMN for Vogue China