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On Being Honest With Yourself

 

Have you ever noticed that in the movies, there is one moment where the main actress (it’s normally a woman) looks at herself in the movie and has this mind-blowing epiphany about herself. I’d like to call it a fucking wake-up-call, a curtain slowing lifting from the stage. Up to that moment, she never knew who she truly was. Sure, she had glimpses but it was never anything solid or concrete. But in this moment? Girl has got her eyes open.

I used to think that these moments were really ridiculous. I mean, who stands there in front of a mirror and just looks at herself and then boom! Here comes a self-realization moment.

That is, until I had my very own said moment on Sunday at 3am.

I’d like to think that a series of events brought this moment on, but let’s be honest, it had a lot to do with champagne, crazy bedhead and the sheer terror that an upcoming birthday is coming, like NOW.

This moment wasn’t truly life-altering but I thought I’d share some of them with you.

  • I believe in the power of a great hair-night. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. A bad hair day seems frivolous but I take it as a foreboding omen in my life. The picture posted above was after a long night of dancing on Saturday night and I can’t believe it actually looked better post-sweaty dancing then pre-dancing. Strange…
  • I say yes to everything from new jobs, cross-country moves, new relationships, breakups, etc. I used to have such a tendency to hold back, to reduce risks and protect ourself but guess what? That never works. Live a little, say yes. It will all work out.
  • I scarily know all the words to “Hot in Here” and “California Love” and have no shame singing them wherever I am. Sorry.
  • Never not obsessed with black heels.
  • A good, slow kiss kills me every time. The key word here? Slow. It’s almost painful but perfect at the same time.
  • I laugh with my entire body, a trait I’ve long hated but now just embrace. From my hands to my shoulders to my hair, it all moves when I get to laughing. And it’s kind of fun.
  • A part of me will always be sitting on the beach in Santa Cruz, watching the waves come in and out. So many fantastic moments have happened to me on that beach, from spring break trips to day trips with high school crushes. My past and future are on that beach, all while I’m in this concrete city.
  • I can not say not to a a champagne cocktail. It’s my weakness.
  • I have little patience for people who are flaky and lazy. It’s a sign of indifference, of being selfish and ain’t nobody got time for that.
  • Such a fan of the classic, “eyes meet across the room at a crowded bar” situation. I still get shivers down my spine when I think of it.
  • I’m pretty guarded until I’m not. And then watch out because I am an open book. This fact used to terrify me but now? I just kind of roll with it. I have walls higher than you could imagine and it takes a lot of work to break them down. But once they are gone, you have me. All of me.
  • I’m that girl who tends to pick apart every situation, from shopping purchases to emails to room redecorating. Say what you want, but don’t we all do this? I think it’s a sign of our generation.
  • I can’t stay away from a good dance floor. Just not possible.
  • I will always be the girl who prefers the witty, cute but not jaw-dropping guy over the holy-shit-he-is-heartbreakingly-sexy guys. Those heartbreakingly sexy guys? Yeah, they are like real estate porn. Looks great but let’s be honest? That kind of shit doesn’t work with my sometimes messy, normal life.
  • I am so attracted to realness, it’s ridiculous. In jobs, friendships, love, and everything in between. Cut the crap, forget the mind-playing games and just be real. You’ll get a lot farther in love and life if you leave the bullshit at the door.
  • If “Love, Actually” is on, I have to watch it. No questions about it.
  • I’m okay with being alone. This tidbit, this lesson, has been on my mind for the past year and I feel like shouting it from the rooftops. I don’t mean just in relationships but in life. I’m pretty independent, can take care of myself, and actually prefer to explore part of my city on my own. The mere idea of spending 24/7 with someone gives me major anxiety.

 

Ok, enough about me. What about you? What self-truths have you come to terms with recently? I love this act of confessions the truth-doms. I feel like the minute you verbally say them out loud, you actually acknowledge them. So go for it. Spill. No shame here. ( I mean did you see my “Hot in Here” confession?! Please.)

 

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December 3, 2012 - 7:55 am

Amy - I love posts like this! And I love champagne cocktails, too. BEST. I believe in strong coffee, nights out with friends and in the power of yoga. I wrote a similar post a few months ago: http://amy-estes.com/write/believe/

December 3, 2012 - 4:35 pm

Jessica Brookman (@jessicabrookman) - Ohhhh i love a good epiphany post. These are so funny and honest! Happy imminent-birthday :)

December 3, 2012 - 10:21 pm

Naomi Liddell - Kindred Spirits dude. I can completely relate to numbers 1/3/5/8/9/10/15. As in absolutely… Although my lyrical mastery song is “Jump around” by House of Pain. I know the words to that song so damn well my fingers are itching to type it right here, right now.

I love the honesty of this post and although I’ve written pieces similar on my blog in the past, I’m feeling a whole new urge to share some more.

I’m now off to stalk the rest of your blog… I’ve never had a good poke around here.

December 4, 2012 - 7:05 pm

aboyce18 - aw thanks Jessica!

December 11, 2012 - 5:10 am

Justine - All I could think while reading this post was that you and I should hang out more. I agree with all of the above. (Also, your bangs are perfection. Is it weird if I save that photo to show my hairstylist? ;)

December 14, 2012 - 4:10 am

Mic dejun de Bucuresti - I’m so glad I found your blog. I just quoted you on fb about that cut the crap belief. My thoughts exactly, especially since I’ve been through experiences which proved me that the right way is to be honest with yourself.

Gonna go look at the delicious cakes you made now! :D

December 16, 2012 - 8:29 am

aboyce18 - Justine, we are definitely going to hang out more. Loved catching up and will do it again soon. And yes, bring on the bang inspiration! xoxo

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